I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He passed out mid-signature
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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