if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize