Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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