i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
