I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
