i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
