just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
