Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
