How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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