I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
