So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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