is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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