I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
