I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
