You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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