I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
