literally had 100 drinks last night.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I checked into jail on foursquare
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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