No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
