strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
