i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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