That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
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He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
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I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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