shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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