i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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