i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
