So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
