Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
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I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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