First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Randomize
