Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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