I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just want nice things and good sex
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
