i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
