12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
