Pregnant stripper...not hot.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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