so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
