i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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