one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
