Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
