How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
