people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
