He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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