He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Randomize
