I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
