why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
