gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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