This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
