According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So vagazzling was a success
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
