dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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