i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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