I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
