just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana