12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it