So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.