I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen