4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?