The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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