It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
