go do what you do best...puke behind churches
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
