We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
