if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
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I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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