i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
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But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
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I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...