SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
