I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
