I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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