Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
