I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
