is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
