so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
