eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize