I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize