My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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