I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
