fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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