after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
